(This blog post is set after the events of episode 3 of the Razorback mystery.
So if you haven’t heard that yet, catch up here first!)
Calling all Sprinkles looking for the truth
The DoNUT Queen has identified another government coverup!
The Facts (without the glaze):
Where: Urbandale, Ohio
When: 13 August 2017
Who: Department of Nameless Unusual Things (DoNUT)
Why: To hide the truth from the ignorant masses
How: Their usual tricks and lies
Unfortunately by the time your seeker of truth, moi, discovered the events of this unusual murder and its gruesome history, the DoNUTs had long left the scene. Fear not dear Sprinkles, I have been able to sift through the glaze they tried to pour over the public’s eyes to bring you the actual facts.
What they cannot hide is that nineteen-year-old, Cyril Clemont went missing from his family’s home in Urbandale, Ohio. The Clemonts themselves give the impression of being well above the poverty line. They own the local meat processing plant that employs a large number of locals. More importantly, is that they own the Clemont Pork Processing Plant—a condemned building that seems to have been the center of the DoNUTs focus while in town.
My sources—which you know I cannot and will not reveal—say Cyril was heavily into the occult before his disappearance. They also revealed to me that the Clemonts weren’t as wealthy as they’d like us to think. That flashy big house? Looking a bit rundown and they’ve been stiffing the gardener on payments. Lights blaring and alerts going off here, my Sprinkles.
DoNUTs, who identified themselves as FBI agents, arrived on the scene and swooped into action. A simple disappearance of a young adult doesn’t explain why the Feds—DoNUTs—would be involved. So, your Queen started digging.
Almost twenty years to the day, David Knoll got fired from his job at the now-closed Clemont Pork Processing Plant. Why is he important? Well, this nutjob came back to work, put on a mask—pig’s head made of said animal’s flesh—and took hostages. Before they could put that piggy down, the sicko shoved some of the hostages into a meat grinder and took a swan dive in after them.
Eyewitnesses at the scene said he referred to himself as Razorback—a breed of pig—and that he swore he would return. And perhaps he did. Almost two decades later, to the day, Cyril goes missing. Remember, his family still owns the plant where Razorback did his slaughtering—both human and porcine. This can’t be a coincidence, Sprinkles. You know the Queen doesn’t believe in those. What I do believe in is the DoNUTs and, as I said, they came to town.
Two men in leathers, a woman with a huge sword—stand out much?—and a nondescript young male came from the DoNUT store to Urbandale, Ohio. The leather-clad men were seen at the local asylum. An insider swears that Eliza Crawford, one of the original Razorback survivors, has been living there for almost twenty years. They also claim she’s now missing. However, and here’s the glaze, the lady in question doesn’t seem to exist. At least not officially. Make of that what you will Sprinkles but we all know the DoNUTs like to coat the glaze over the dough before serving it up to the public.
Back to the abandoned Pork Processing Plant, which was mysteriously destroyed… The statement they’re trying to feed us on the building’s crumbly demise is: an unexpected electrical surge started machinery that was thought to have been disconnected, and caused the structural failure of the building ← yeah right! That doesn’t explain the lights and noises witnesses reported seeing/hearing before the building fell, nor what Cyril Clemont was doing there—yes Sprinkles, the missing person that kicked off this whole investigation!
The now non-existent Eliza Crawford is also a big glaring dose of failed glaze. Did the men in leather make her disappear or was she ground up by Razorback because he wanted to tie up loose ends from twenty years ago? Was that why he came back? Or was Cyril behind it? Was he the current incarnation of the pig-faced psycho or just a cheap copycat? Or was it—like we all believe—some unusual entity?
Perhaps we’ll never know the real truth, but I’ll promise you this Sprinkles, I won’t stop looking. I will find these DoNUTs and expose them for what they really are… liars, manipulators, and murderers.
Until next time my little Sprinkles, stay fresh.
DoNUT Queen out <3