DoNUT Files: The Quiet – Ulton’s Bend, Arizona

By Sero

(This blog post is set after the events of The Quiet mystery, episode 9.
So if you haven’t heard that yet, catch up here first!)

Calling all Sprinkles looking for the truth
The DoNUTs are at it again with their donutty glaze!

a red stamp that reads "Confidential,Top Secret, Confidential

The Facts (without the glaze):

Where: Ulton’s Bend, Arizona
When: 27 August 2017
What: The Quiet
Who: Department of Nameless Unusual Things (DoNUT)
Why: To hide the truth from the ignorant masses
How: Their usual tricks and lies


This one has a trigger warning, Sprinkles. If you don’t want to hear gruesome details about ugly, gaunt, naked guys then stop reading. I won’t blame any of you for it either.

I almost poured the glaze over my eyes and passed this one over when I heard that! But I promise, if you soldier on and wait in the line, I have some delicious powdered sugary goodness.

Ulton’s Bend is a small town that, unbeknownst to the ignorant masses, has been held hostage! By whom, I hear you ask of your Queen? Sadly the aforementioned naked strawberry Long Johns.

The Yavapai Sheriff’s Office locked that place down faster than you can say “buy one dozen get one dozen half off” after two of their own didn’t come back from a disturbance at the aptly named One Stop Gas & Grocery.


Eyewitnesses at the scene said, and I quote: “It weren’t right what happened to those folks. I’m sure none of them deserved to have rags shoved down their throats and wooden stakes jammed in their ears? No ma’am, it weren’t right at all.”

Three polaroids of locations in Ulton's Bend, Arizona

Unconfirmed reports have the death toll at five but something tells me it’s higher, especially after two of the DoNUTs—again posing as FBI—were spotted at what was left of an old commune.

The signpost read: The Quiet. Your Queen did some digging and the place was run by some hippy who went by the name of All-Father Stillness—real name Doctor Jon Hansen—who was into transcending humanity; splitting from your cumbersome bod, and bopping around as an astral projection.

Maybe these chopped nuts somehow managed this, and their—ugly naked—ghostly forms harassed the population of the Bend.

The authorities tried to pour the glaze on thick, with Deputy Forbes saying he could “neither confirm nor deny the existence nor remains of these strange old men.” He also prattled on about some megaphone the FBI had taken.


Speaking of the FBI… I can confirm three new members of DoNUT. Along with the younger leather-clad man spotted in Urbandale, OH, were two women—one professional-looking, the other angry with crazy eyes and attitude—and an older gentleman whose description reminded your Queen of her former mythology studies professor.

Opinion among the residents about the effectiveness of the FBI is decidedly disgruntled, which—considering they were the cause of an explosion at the only gas and/or grocery store in the town and the subsequent fire that also destroyed residential property—isn’t surprising.

What are also unsurprising, Sprinkles, are the night-time covert operations to remove the remaining occupants—read Long Johns—from the commune. Your Queen shudders to think what the DoNUTs plan to do with those stale specimens instead of throwing them out. Whatever it is, you know I’ll be the first in line at the store.

Until next time my little Sprinkles, stay fresh.

DoNUT Queen out <3

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